I don’t have any siblings. I’ve never minded (probably because I don’t know any different) and have never felt as if I’ve missed out on anything.
He has two sisters – one younger, and one older. Now, while I understand they love each other, I can’t get my head around how dependent the sisters seem to be on him. I don’t understand how he is almost deified by them. It seems weird and a little creepy. When he was first diagnosed, the younger sister took a couple of weeks off work as she couldn’t cope. Now, even though he’s on the mend, the older sister isn’t sleeping. When pressed on the reason, the mother said it was because the older sister was worrying. I don’t get it. I don’t understand I don’t think I’m ever going to bother trying, to be honest. Let them be weird if it gets them through the day.
No, the real reason I’m pissed off today (seriously, just the smallest things are sparking me off at the moment – I must be an absolute joy to be around. Good thing is, I have only the cat to judge me) is to do with visits.
I know, this seems like a rather petty thing to be pissed off about, but there we are.
The fact is, visits are tiring. Having to a) be awake and b) explain the same things over and over to different people is tiring. For some reason, I seem to be the only person who understands that (or, if others understand, they don’t seem to care that much).
My frustrations at the moment are caused by two main things. 1. The number of visitors he’s having in a single day and 2. the fact that no one seems capable of planning anything.
First rant: the number of visitors
He has a steady stream of visitors who pop in, when it suits them, to say hello. This is LOVELY. It absolutely is. I’m secretly proud of how loved he is. I am not saying that I should be the only one who’s allowed visit him, no.
However, I really feel that we should try and restrict the number of visits so he doesn’t have 15 people descending on him in an afternoon. He’s too nice – he’ll never say no to anyone, no matter how he’s feeling. I’m worried that this’ll have a negative impact on his recovery.
Rant number two: the lack of planning
I’m a planner. I like plans. I like systems. I like schedules. I don’t like it when other people don’t have plans or don’t see the need for plans.
I try and let everyone know when I’m planning on visiting him so that they can go and see him another time. Over the last couple of days, however, I’ve been expected to change my schedule to fit in around other people. “I’m going to go in at 2pm today,” I will text. “We’re going in at 2pm,” will come the reply from one sister. “His grandmother and I are going in at 3pm,” comes the response from another.
Today I had planned to see him only to be told that he’s got 4 people visiting already. None of them will cancel their plans and so now I’m in the situation where I have to tell the person I love the most in the world that I’m not coming in to see him. I’m trying to explain that it’s not that I don’t want to come but that I want him to get better. To get better, he needs to rest, not have to deal with a queue of visitors.
Of course, what I don’t tell him is I’m sitting here close to tears in frustration and anger that, once again, I am making concessions and sacrifices that no one else seems to want to make.
I miss out, again.